They say that Coffee is a drink that calms the mind and comforteth the soul. Not one for self-praise, these words my dear human, are not mine, but yours. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for all the credit and love you shower on me, and as a gesture of goodwill, I would be happy to do something for you too in return. What are you saying? I’m already doing you good by just existing? Aww, stop it, you! You are being too kind! What? What else could I possibly do to help you? I might say that I’m offended a bit here, with you doubting me like this. But nooo, you’re not to blame here, you’re a human. I know that you are already bundled down with your own trivial problems which lead you nowhere and frivolities which lead you to those trivial problems. Oh alright, don’t make that face, I know that not all your problems are trivial, it was imprudent of me to say that. I can’t solve your bigger problems, no those are for you to tackle alone (with me of course, don’t worry I’m not going anywhere), but the trivial ones, I think I can help you with that. Just read on.
Human, there are many kinds of you, with as many different tastes. Satisfying all your tastes is a daunting task, but because I love you so much I change myself over and over into forms you prefer the best. Hence came into existence the Espresso, Cappuccino, Americano, Caffe Latte, Caf Mocha, Macchiato, so on and so forth, and then just plain, simple Coffee. Copious amounts of me are doled out into cups big and small, some topped with ice, others decorated with a pattern generally resembling a leaf or a heart. You take a generous sip of me and set me back down and then resume your work, your discussion, your current love affair, your book, or some of you (seldom but still), just sit back and relax. While I love reading good books and also don’t mind a romantic tête-à-tête every now and then, it is when you are gathered in what we call a group that I enjoy the most. This is because it is at this time when I get to know the most about you and trust me human, you are amazing creatures, so much that I’m in awe of you.
While it is fun to be with you when you voluntarily get together with each other to meet with me, my favourite is when you are made to get together with each other just because you want to be with me. It moves me that you love me so much that you would even spend a few minutes with people you particularly dislike! I and Tea talk about this all the time, our favourite is when one of you makes such an effort to make the other one feel like not having Coffee, and when the other one still sips their Coffee, the loyalty makes me feel so loved! To love me enough to stay and bear the other person shows how much you need me, and this makes me so tearful every time. Tea tells me that this is called being Negav. I don’t know what that really means but since she has been around you humans longer than I have, I am going to take her word on this one. I’m still learning your ways and Tea is always ready to help, we’re so close to each other and there’s definitely no Negav between us. Wait, its negativity! That’s the word!
So this negativity, I gather, is something you humans do to make other humans feel less good or less confident about themselves. Now personally I don’t see how that can happen when you’re having me, but then I’m just a tiny cup while you’re an entire human, so more power to you I guess. I have been around you enough to observe that different humans react in different ways; some grind their teeth so hard that my ears hurt (do you know how horrible that noise is), some gulp me down in a hurry (leaving me no option but to burn their tongue, so sorry human!), others bang me hard on the table (that hurts a lot FYI!), and some just abandon me on the table and leave (I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be of more help to you, I hope that I do more tomorrow).
So you see, this Negav, ummmm negativity thing really bothers me. Why, you ask? Do you know what message that sends to the other drinks? They think that I can’t control my drinkers! Do you know what Green Tea said to me the other day? She said that I sometimes have the same affect on people as….as (I don’t even want to say it), as….as ALCOHOL does? Can you imagine how horrible that made me feel? Being compared to that……to that imbecile? Human! I am in knowledge of this meme culture or something like that which Tea was telling me about. She told me that you dedicate so many memes to us, not just memes, pins, badges, pillows, mugs, all saying ‘I love Coffee’. But is this love? This treatment you do to each other which makes me look like a brewer of trouble instead of love? I didn’t think so.
Negativity is bad human, you already have your own problems, big or trivial, and your own little pleasures. Why not invest your time in that instead of making another human and his/her Coffee go through all that trouble just for your own selfish satisfaction? Why all this hate human? Why are you so insecure, and why are you so mean? Take it from me, I faced something like this in my early days too. Tea didn’t like me much. And oh did she make things difficult for me! I felt horrible for days because I couldn’t understand what was it that I did that was bothering her so much! You know I possibly couldn’t even hurt a fly! So I thought about it and talked to her, turned out she was just insecure that now that I had come, you wouldn’t want to be with her! Stupid, right? But do you know, we got past it. And guess what? It was Tea who came to my defence when that Alcohol was teasing me about joining his cult. The nerve I tell you!
So, my point is human, this Negav…..negativity or whatever, it is bad. You are all so beautiful and smell so good, what is there to hate? Some of you love each other, while some of you hate each other. I don’t get this, why hate when you can love? By now I have understood that you have your own idiosyncracies, and I’m far too simple to understand that, but why say something when you don’t have anything nice to say? Why can’t you just shut up? That’s what I do with Alcohol. I just shut up. It is a nice technique, you should give it a try. To the human who is at the receiving end of the negativity, my love, my heart goes out to you. But it won’t help if you take it to the heart and grind your teeth! Tea says this is called stress, and I read somewhere that stress could kill you! Do you know what would happen to me if something like that happened to you? So, my dear human, don’t let it get to your heart, don’t let anything get to you until it is me, your very own favourite Coffee. For all you care, the Negav spewing person may have some trivial issues of their own. Maybe they are angry with you for something you did, so you could talk it out like Tea and I did. Or maybe, they are just plain horrible people, so you can’t really help it, some people are like that, I guess they are called Negav people, Tea might know. Just don’t let them get to you.
So, my dear humans, all Negavs and Not Negavs, I have heard you say many times that life is too short to care about trivial things, so I guess according to that maxim, Negav people should not be Negav and others should not be listening or paying attention to the Negavs. But, I have also observed that humans say one thing, and act in an entirely opposite manner, weird creatures you are. I just want to make one simple appeal (Tea says you like such words), it is that please don’t be Negav while having Coffee, because I really don’t like when Alcohol teases me, and also because I don’t like it when someone bangs my cup on the table. So, if you really love Coffee, I guess you will sincerely listen to me and stop being Negav, sorry, what was the word again? Negative. Yes! Tea says not to get my hopes up, but I hope I can count on you, so please don’t be Negav.